3/25/2022
49
Poker Humor Rating: 7,6/10 1170 votes
Poker funny cartoons from CartoonStock directory - the world's largest on-line collection of cartoons and comics. Dark Humor One Liners. What do you need after a tough day at work? Perhaps our selection of dark humor one liners Just read and giggle, giggle, giggle Last night, I played poker with Tarot cards got a full house and 4 people died. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Poker Jokes and Puns. Here are funny poker jokes and puns. Perfect for poker players or people who like to gable. Also, check out our other card game and other funny jokes categories. My poker humor formula most often goes something like this: crude Photoshop skills + funny pictures of poker pros + absurd creative writing = a new feature on BTF. Think of this section like a homemade cake made entirely by your 4-year-old. It will make you smile, is quite messy, and will likely nauseate you if you consume too much. Sometimes, when the game of poker becomes too serious, funny poker memes can get you through any bad beat. With the age of the internet and social media seemingly designed for poker memes, players, fans, and commentators have lived off these funny asides to the greatest card game on the planet.
Last night I got thrown out of a casino… apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table.
In Vegas they’ll bet on anything. One casino was ready to let me bet on whether I’d win or lose there.
I’m going to the casino tonight. I hope I break even. I need the money.
I had nothing to do, so just for a laugh I went to the casino. In three hours I’d laughed away my car.
What is the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years the dog quits whining.
What’s the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it!
Why didn’t the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs (ok that was lame).
The wife of a doctor called the casino to get her husband paged. They refused. The house doesn’t make doctor calls.
Welcome to the poker jokes section of PokerHarder. Here you’ll find the best and most entertaining humor and jokes on poker.
Playing poker, or poker in general, can be quite serious business every now and then. To help you relax a bit after a long stretch of playing poker, either online or in real life, we’ve created the PokerHarder poker fun section with a lot of poker humor. From the best and most epic poker videos , to the hottest poker babes, we’ve brought it all together in this poker fun section of PokerHarder.
Now what would the PokerHarder poker fun section, or any poker fun page for that matter, be without a page filled with poker jokes? That’s right, a fun section without poker jokes wouldn’t be any fun at all. Luckily our fun-editor shares this insight and has gone to great lengths to serve you a collection of the funniest poker jokes.
Our editor searched far and wide on the internet for poker jokes, went through thousands of pages of books of jokes he found up in his attic, and spent weeks tracking down high roller poker players to ask them to share their poker jokes and anecdotes, all to be able to bring you only the best and funniest poker jokes.
Take a look at our poker jokes section and you’ll be sure to have a laugh or two. Feel free to send any joke you like to your friends for their enjoyment and to share a laugh with us.
Enjoy this collection of funny poker jokes, humor and statements:
Joke #1: 5 Signs You Might Have A Poker Addiction…
- You can stack $10.00 worth of quarters into 8 perfect stacks of 5 quarters each in three seconds flat
- You yell, “Ship it!” at the ATM when you withdraw cash.
- You use the phrase “bad beat” when lending a sympathetic ear to a friend.
- Your kids are named Check and Raise
- You are having such a bad day at hold ’em that you decide to take a break… and play Omaha
Joke #2: You Know You’re Running Bad When…
- The guy next to you keeps telling you where the ATM is
- You order a cheese sandwich at $1.10, and by the time the waitress brings it, you can’t pay for it.
- When you start cussing out someone for calling your pre-flop raise with JQ (suited)
- The only things you say all night are ‘Nice hand’, ‘Well played’ and ‘Chips’!
- The nice little old lady with the big pile of (your) chips in front of her inquires if you play here often.
Joke #3: The Dead Poker Player
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, ‘Now, who is going to tell the wife?’
They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse than it is.
‘Gentlemen! Discreet? I’m the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.’
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Rippington says, ‘Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.’
She hollers, ‘TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!’
Rippington says, ‘I’ll tell him.’
Joke #4: The rabbi, a minister and a priest.
A rabbi, a minister, and a priest are playing poker when the police came with his dog to raid the game. Addressing the priest, the lead officer asks: ‘Father Murphy, were you gambling?‘
Outdoor Video Poker Humor
Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispers, ‘Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.‘ To the police officer, he then says, ‘No, officer, I was not gambling.‘
The officer then asks the minister: ‘Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?’
Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replies, ‘No, officer, I was not gambling.”
Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asks: ‘Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?‘
Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replies: ‘With whom?‘
Joke #5: Silent Tommy
Little Tommy was the quietest boy in school. He never answered any questions but his homework was always quite excellent. If any one said anything to him he would simply nod, or shake his head. The staff thought he was shy and decided to do something to give him confidence.
‘Tommy,‘ said his teacher. ‘I’ve just bet Miss Smith $5 I can get you to say three words. You can have half.‘
Tommy looked at her pityingly and said, ‘You lose.‘
Joke #6: Husband’s losing rent money
‘That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker,’ the housewife told a neighbor.
‘You didn’t do it, did you?’
‘I have to admit I did — though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven’t done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!’
Joke #7: Kids Play Poker Too
The milkman walks up to number 36, and as he passes the window he looks in and sees a group of young boys drinking bourbon and playing poker for what looks like huge stakes.
Animals Playing Poker Humorous Drawings
He rings the bell and a 6 year old boy answers with cards in his hand and a cigar in his mouth…
The milkman asks, ‘Are your parents in?‘
The boy replies, “WHAT DO YOU [email protected]%*NG THINK?”
Joke #8: Blondie Plays Poker
Did ya hear about the blonde who brought a bag of frozen?
french fries to a poker game?
Poker Humor Cartoons
Someone told her to bring her own chips.
Joke #9: Vampires playing poker
What do vampires play poker for?
Humoriste Poker
‘High stakes‘.